A most destructive sin to relationships, including those in the local church, is the sin of gossip. Speaking maliciously, untruthfully, or unhelpfully about another—in their absence—is sinful as defined by scripture. And yet certainly there are times when it is both legitimate and even necessary for two people to discuss a third party in their absence.

For example, consider the situation where, in their absence, an individual is praised, or friends speak about their plan to help a friend in a time of need. Congregationally, consider the case when the local church is informed about an unrepentant member whom they must pursue. Indeed, every week at Grace Groups, we get together to talk about how to apply the truths we learned from Scripture on Sunday to our lives, and this often involves references to the preacher and the sermon. In Scripture we have an example of Jesus speaking about John the Baptist to his followers in Matthew 11:

So, gossip cannot be defined as simply speaking about someone in their absence. However, is gossip limited to speaking about someone in their absence when the content of that speech is untrue? No doubt this is a form of gossip, and it is evil. Lying or bearing false witness is prohibited in Exodus 20:16 and 23:1. And slander is prohibited in Leviticus 19:16. Clearly slander and gossip are closely related. Slander seems to be gossip with the aim to discredit or injure a person’s reputation (Psalm 15:3; 50:20; Ezekiel 22:9).

Slander arises from a heart of hatred (Proverbs 10:18). Slander reveals secrets (Proverbs 11:13; 20:19). Slander is usually false (Jeremiah 6:28; 2 Samuel 19:27). This kind of gossip is akin to murdering our neighbour’s reputation.

But now consider the case when a matter is known to both parties, or if it is something which occurred in a public context. In these instances, no falsehood is necessarily being shared, and there is no divulging of private information. What about if counsel is being sought on addressing a particular concern, such as consulting a parent or elder? How about when parents discuss the sin of one of their children with another person in order to seek help? Or when two managers at work discuss the misdemeanours of an employee under their supervision? Are these examples of gossip? Perhaps, and perhaps not. Let me explain. 

If slander is false information aimed at damaging a person’s reputation, we could define gossip as any talk about someone who is not present which could be true yet it discredits the absent party. Gossip normally involves us putting a negative spin, or a negative interpretation on a matter. Very often this is subtle, and our deceptive hearts pretend noble motives, yet deep down gossip has a perverse entertainment value. Proverbs 18:8 speaks of the words of a whisperer as being like dainty morsels which go down deep into the innermost parts. We love to feel superior, and running someone else down in our words, so often puffs our pride up.

All those who truly love the Lord would never want to intentionally engage in slander (that which is untrue), but sometimes well-meaning Christians can fall into gossip (uncharitable or discreditable talk) without realising it, while other faithful believers might struggle within themselves to know how to deal with a situation which requires talking to someone else without sinning in the process.

So how do we know if we are engaging in gossip or slander? While there are too many variables to give a comprehensive answer, here are some pointers which I hope will be helpful in alerting us to the likely presence of gossip or slander. Let these serve as a squawking fire alarm alerting us to the potential destruction caused by gossiping tongues set on fire by hell (James 3:5–6).

1. You are discussing the shortcomings, or sin of another, and you are enjoying the conversation.
2. You feel superior as a result of the conversation.
3. You are not responsible for working toward a solution, or if you are, but you have no intention of correcting the third party. (Parents, managers, elders, supervisors might legitimately need to discuss the shortcomings of someone for whom they are responsible with the purpose of their redemption.)
4. The content of the conversation is speculative and cannot be verified with any objective evidence. (Love covers a multitude of offenses, and ought to do so whenever there is opportunity.)
5. You are sharing the information with someone whose opinion of the third party would be materially affected by the conversation or your desire is simply to influence your hearer’s thinking about the third party.
6. You are dealing with intangibles—things in the realm of Christian liberty or trivial differences of opinion—which two Christians could reasonably differ over without breaking fellowship (see point 4).
7. You are sharing secret information with no redemptive purpose—simply for your own catharsis.
8. You are repeating hearsay.

Here is a catch-all guide that has helped me: “If you are not a part of the solution, then you are part of the problem” (D. Wilson). As Solomon observed, “mere talk leads only to poverty” (Proverbs 14:23). That is, talking isn’t the solution; action is. So be careful of justifying yourself by saying that your talking is the solution.

In Matthew 18, Jesus tells us very clearly what the solution is. And, yes, it does involve talking—directly to the person in question and others are only drawn in if no resolution is obtained directly.

So, how should we respond when we are confronted with gossip? Might I suggest something I was told a wise old lady said: “That’s concerning—let’s go and talk to him/her about it right now.”

Anton