Counting Sheep

That is simple, but profoundly helpful. It helped me at 3:00 AM Monday morning.

I sometimes don’t sleep so well, particularly on Sunday nights. Sundays are usually a very full day and so I fall asleep quite easily. However, I frequently awake between 2:00 and 3:00 AM, sometimes troubled in my spirit, finding it difficult to go back to sleep.

At times, I am troubled that I did not deliver God’s word as purely and as powerfully as I desired, and as the church deserves. To be frank, sometimes this is my sinful pride rather than godly humility, and I need to repent and go back to sleep as God covers me with the blanket of his forgiveness.

At other times, my sleep is disturbed as I think about the unhealthy condition of some in the flock. This can also be sinful pride; however, usually such sleeplessness is the occupational hazard of being an overseer (along with seven other brothers) of God’s flock (Acts 20:28). Sometimes, “overseeing” means seeing things that are burdensome, along with the knowledge that we will give account to God for the souls under our care (Hebrews 13:17).

Though I know that leading a flock to water and green pastures is no guarantee they will all drink and feed, nevertheless, particularly as our church grows older and larger, I lose sleep over those who refuse what the Spirit of God graciously offers through the church. I am troubled by those who evidence a lack of submissiveness to the word of the Lord, sometimes accompanied by a digging in of the hooves with a suspicious and critical spirit. I am burdened for those who profess trust in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour yet refuse the various means of grace provided by the Good Shepherd through his church. I lay awake, thinking about how the elders can help these to humble themselves and join with the congregation for prayer, instruction, and fellowship. These concerns intensified the pre-dawn darkness of the early morning hours of Monday. I responded by praying for those for whom I was burdened. I also asked the Lord to give me sleep.

Yet wide awake I remained. Until, that is, I began to count the healthy sheep.

I stirred my mind to name before the Lord the sheep who are hungry for Jesus Christ, who are prioritising prayer, who are serving the body, who are building up rather than tearing down the church. And, lo and behold, I awoke a couple of hours later, realising that I had fallen asleep counting sheep and thanking the Shepherd!

Those in our membership who love and desire to serve the Lord are by far the majority. And “counting” these was a practical way to count the many blessings, remembering what the Lord has done. A case in point was our picnic and AGM this past Lord’s Day.

The fellowship (“swallowship”) was heart-warming as was the time around the Table followed by a harmonious and gracious spirit during the more “mundane” matters of the AGM. Indeed, “Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

Literally, I count it a blessing to be a member of BBC. I count it a blessing for the privilege to be one of its pastors. I count it a blessing to pastor and to fellowship alongside fellow-sheep in the pasture of God’s kindness. Yet, because I have a pastor’s heart, I will always have some sleepless nights, as well as days when my shoulders stoop with the sorrows and the sins in our congregation. Nevertheless, I am grateful for an antidote that can adjust my posture to an upright one: remembering the multiple blessings of faithful and fruitful fellow-church members who hear the Shepherd’s voice, following him as he leads us to still greener pastures and to the pure waters of his word. Brackenhurst Baptist Church, let us count our many blessings; see what the Lord has done.

Tired, yet rested.

Doug