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In this study, we continue an overview of the radical family begun previously, but narrow it down particularly to the issue of a radical marriage. The Bible very obviously deals with the issue of marriage and addresses quite straightforwardly what God expects in marriage. Clearly, from both the high divorce rate and the low marriage rate, something is not right: even within the (professed) believing community. Most statistics show quite clearly that there is little difference in marriage and divorce rates between the churched and the unchurched.
Let us then take a look at marriage as God intended. As we do so, I trust that we would come to realise that none of us has it, but that we would be resolved to pursue it!
A very important principle of biblical interpretation is that we must interpret the obscure by the clear. This is true regarding the book of the Revelation and this is true also regarding marriage. Without a proper big-picture view, we end up lost in the details and entirely miss the point, which is (of course) Christ.
And so before looking at the more minute details of specific biblical responsibilities in the marriage relationship—including some of the more “debatable” ones—let us get a good grasp of the overall picture of marriage as we find it in Genesis 2.
Bear in mind that, in all these studies, we must keep before us that the key to a radical family is a radical fellowship with God through Christ. As we love Him who is supreme, as we obey Him who is sufficient, and as we follow Him who is satisfying, our families (in some ways) will be radically affected.
The Radical Revelation of Marriage
Marriage quite literally finds its roots in the beginning of human history. It was rooted in Eden, in the garden in Eden. The garden was the most beautiful spot on earth, and it was chosen by God as the venue for the most beautiful even of the creation week. Let’s reflect on the record as given by Moses as we seek to gain a biblical understanding of the radical marriage.
The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed. And out of the ground the LORD God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Now a river went out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads. The name of the first is Pishon; it is the one which skirts the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold. And the gold of that land is good. Bdellium and the onyx stone are there. The name of the second river is Gihon; it is the one which goes around the whole land of Cush. The name of the third river is Hiddekel; it is the one which goes toward the east of Assyria. The fourth river is the Euphrates. Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
(Genesis 2:8-25)
We should perhaps just note from the outset that there is no doubt that this is a historical account. Jesus clearly believed that it was (cf. Matthew 19:1-8), and since it is given in Scripture we can trust that what is written actually happened. To have a radical (and thus rewarding) marriage we must pay heed to God’s revelation of marriage.
This commitment in itself can be very radical and revolutionary. We cannot take for granted that everyone knows this or is committed to it.
But to return to the issue at hand, let’s ask, what is clearly revealed here? Genesis 2:18-25 offers us a look at the unique institution of marriage. Let’s take the text apart briefly.
God’s Summary
God’s summary of the situation on day six of creation is instructive. (Remember that Genesis 2 is simply a more focused recapitulation of the overall picture in Genesis 1. Genesis 1 records creation as a whole, whilst Genesis 2 narrows the story to God’s specific creation of man and animals in the garden in Eden.)
Until now, after each act of creation God had deemed what He had made to be “good.” For the first time in the creation story we read, “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’” (v. 18).
We must take note of the reason that things were “not good” for Adam. There was nothing wrong with his surroundings. Indeed, he had been placed in paradise, in the most beautiful place on earth. He was surrounded with access to free, nutritious food. There were no adverse weather conditions for him to fear. Food and shelter were freely given. But he lacked something, even though he may not have known it yet: a suitable partner.
In some circles, we speak of a wife as a “help meet.” This language is taken from the older King James Version, which reads, “I will make him an help meet for him.” The word “meet,” of course, means suitable. There was nothing in all of creation that was suitable for Adam because, as the NKJV translates the phrase, there was no one “comparable” to him. God had already created all manner of animals over the last few days, but none of them compared to the glory of humanity.
Adam was alone. He was in need of a missing part of the puzzle. He was incomplete. The phrase “comparable to” literally means “over against” or “in front of.” It has the idea of placing two things alongside one another for the purpose of comparison. Two “comparable” items answer to each other, they are alike.
The word “helper” simply means “an aid.” It is used of God who is “our help and our shield” (Psalm 33:20; 115:9), “our help and our deliverer” (Psalm 70:5). In short, Adam required a godly partner who would be an aid to him and thus complete him.
Of course, we must ask, a helper to aid him in what? What was God’s design for Adam? The short answer is that Eve was given to Adam to aid him in obeying the commands of God. Those commands can be summarised in three categories: (1) work—they were to tend the garden; (2) worship—they were to give glory to their Creator, part of which entailed obeying the single restriction that God placed upon them; and (3) building a world—they were to populate the earth.
Adam was created with the need of a corresponding relationship; he needed (by God’s good design) both vertical and horizontal relationships. Though he perhaps did not realise it at first, God brought him to the point where he realised that he was a solitary being, and that being alone was not God’s will for him.
This is the reason that God brought all the animals to Adam to name (vv. 19-20). Bear in mind that Adam was but a few hours old at this point, even though he had been created with the appearance of age. He was no doubt still marvelling at God’s good creation, and perhaps contemplating the task of tending the garden. But in order to show him his need for a partner, “the LORD God formed every beat of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them.”
The phrase “the LORD God formed” can be rendered “the LORD GOD had formed.” What we have here then is either God bringing animals that He had already created outside the garden into the garden for Adam to name, or quite possibly God creating new animals from the soil that was in the garden. Either way, God brought each of these animals to Adam to see what he would call them. This served a twofold purpose.
First, it showed Adam that all the animals had partners, but that he had none. Adam saw (and named) dogs, cats, elephants and horses. He observed that each of these animals came in two varieties: male and female. Though there were differences, each animal corresponded perfectly to the opposite sex of its own species. And whilst the animals were beautiful and wonderful, none of them was comparable to or suitable for Adam.
Second, in the act of naming the animals, Adam realised that he had authority over them. The act of naming has always served this purpose. God gave names to the various things that He created: He called the light day and the darkness night, He gave names to the sun, moon and stars, etc. He did so because He was the Creator, and naming the various things He created proved His authority over them. But He left the naming of the animals to Adam, because Adam was to exercise authority over the animals. (Parents similarly name their children as an act of authority.) But, again, As Adam realised that each of the animals was subject to him, it highlighted the fact that they were not quite his equal.
And so, by the end of the naming process—however many hours it took—Adam came away with the stark realisation that he was alone. “But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” He now realised what God had known all along. It was, indeed, not good for the man to be alone.
Of course, Adam also came away with the realisation that, whilst the animals could populate the earth with more of their kind, he could not. As capable as men are, we cannot reproduce alone. Adam needed someone comparable to him if he was to multiply and subdue. He could not do it alone.
It should be observed that Adam was created as a being who could not live alone. Remember that he (and later Eve) was created in the image of God. God, by His very nature, is Trinitarian. God is not alone. He exists in three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. There is fellowship and companionship within the Trinity, and being created in God’s image, Adam himself needed these things.
This brings us to an important point: Eve was created as a companion, not simply as a mate for Adam. She did not merely serve the purpose of breeding. Whilst reproduction was an important element in her creation—and whilst reproduction remains an important element in marriage today—Eve was created with far more dignity than simply being a reproductive being. She was Adam’s helper, the only being on earth comparable to him. She was to come alongside her husband and aid him in his work, in building up his world, and in his worship.
It should also be observed that God did not create a wife, but a woman (v. 22). Though the woman, by God’s design, became Adam’s wife her dignity did not lie in the fact that she was a wife. She had dignity as a woman, created in God’s image. Similarly, women today do not only find dignity in marriage. Single women are as much creations in God’s image as married women, and as much as men.
God’s Surgery
The text does not detail this, but at some point God must have explained to Adam what He was going to do about his solitude. We simply read, “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman” (vv. 21-22). But we must not get the impression that God surprised Adam by knocking him out without explanation. No doubt, God explained what He was going to do. Thus commenced the first surgery in the history of mankind.
The phrase “deep sleep” is used in Scripture to describe a supernatural sleep (1 Samuel 26:12). God did not wait for Adam to have an afternoon nap and then take the opportunity to perform surgery. He deliberately put Adam into a supernatural coma-like sleep. He then removed a rib from Adam’s body, closed the place where He had made the incision, and formed the rib into a woman.
It is interesting that God chose to create Eve in this manner. You will recall that He had earlier created Adam from the dust of the ground. He could well have done the same with Eve, but He did not. Perhaps it is significant that the woman was created from that which was near the man’s heart, and under his protective arm. She was not created from Adam’s head to rule over him, nor from his foot to be trampled upon. She was his equal.
The language employed by Moses in this account indicates quite clearly that Eve was made thoughtfully. God “made” the rib into a woman. The word means “to build,” and implies great planning and foresight into the task. She was no mere afterthought.
God’s Surprise
Having created Eve, God now presented His most special surprise to Adam. As noted above, it is possible that God created new animals in the garden in Adam’s very sight. Adam likely beheld God’s creative power as the animals were formed from the dust of the ground. But he was painfully aware that Eve was different. He was asleep when she was created, and God took special care to present her to him. God “brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man’” (vv. 22-23).
The very first poem in Scripture is found in v. 23, and it extols the glory of woman. Adam had already experienced God’s good gifts—the garden, the fruit, the animals—but the best of all was yet to come. God now instituted the ordinance of marriage. And it was at the end of this day that God said that things were, not only good, but “very good” (Genesis 1:31).
Adam could hardly believe his eyes! If he had marvelled at the beauty of God’s earlier creation, his breath was taken away. The phrase “this is now” can literally be rendered “this time” or “at last.” Adam had spent some hours earlier in the day naming the animals. Perhaps as each species was brought to him he eagerly examined it, wondering if this one would be his equal. Each time he found that it was not so. But “this time”—“at last!”—he found a comparable helper. Finally, there was an equal.
The phrase “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is hardly Hallmark material, but it is wonderful terminology, which speaks of oneness, of essence. As with the male and female animals, there were obvious differences, but she was like him in so many ways. She was the perfect match.
We must, of course, pause to consider the implications of her being different. She was not a carbon copy of Adam. Her body was different, and as any married couple will tell you, her nature was no doubt different. Even in paradise, man and woman were not exactly the same.
Someone has quipped: “Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold.” Married couples will willingly testify to the truth of this. The husband wants the window open but the wife wants it closed. He wants the air con on, but she wants it off. There is no doubt that similar differences existed between Adam and Eve—although in paradise these differences were no matter of contention!
But there was more difference than that. “She shall be called Woman,” said Adam, “because she was taken out of Man.” The Hebrew word for “Man” is iysh, and the word for “Woman” is ishshah. “She shall be called ishshah, because she was taken out of iysh.” The implication here is that the man was responsible for the woman—and not only in marriage! Real men take responsibility for women. They do not mistreat them, but care for them. Adam understood this.
Naturally, part of this responsibility meant that he was to lead her, whilst she was to follow. This is of course highlighted in greater detail in the events following the Fall, because at that time the differences that existed, as well as the roles that God designed, became an issue of contention. But this does not mean that they did not exist prior to the Fall. In the same way that work and childbirth were not the result of the Fall—both existed in paradise—so the obvious differences between men and women today predate the entrance of sin into the world. Sin just makes these differences (and work and childbirth) more difficult to deal with.
And so God created man and woman to complement each other. Neither was independent of the other (cf. 1 Corinthians 11:11). They were designed to work alongside one another. When both husband and wife live in submission to God, then God’s work is accomplished, His world is blessed and His will is done.
God’s Standard
If marriage is implied in the account until this point, it is made quite explicit in what follows. In what is perhaps an editorial note, Moses writes, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (v. 24). (It seems obvious that this is an editorial insertion, for neither Adam nor Eve had parents!)
John Currid calls this “a description of divine intention.” Marriage, as described here, is between “a man” and “his wife,” which means that it is monogamous. It is between “a man” and “his wife,” which means that it is heterosexual. And it is designed in such a way that the two “become one flesh,” which implies that it is lifelong. “One flesh” further suggests quite clearly that sexuality is to be expressed exclusively within the confines of (monogamous, heterosexual, lifelong) marriage. And, sadly, we live in an age in which we must further stress that the “man” and the “woman” are naturally so!
This one-flesh principle is God’s standard. We ignore it to our peril. As Horatius Bonar has said, “The construction of our world’s fabric is far too delicate and complete for man to attempt the slightest change without dislocating the whole.”
God’s Satisfaction
God’s satisfaction is hinted at in the final verse of the text: “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (v. 25). They lived together in a transparent, holy, trusting and therefore beautiful relationships. As Don Fortner says, “There was no sin in nature, no guilt in their conscience, no wickedness in their actions.” That is why they were able to live together naked yet unashamed. (The first evidence that they had sinned was that they covered their nakedness in shame.)
Having defined the marriage as set forth in this text, let us take a moment to notice that Adam—the male—was given responsibilities before marriage (vv. 8-17). The first responsibility was stewardship of the garden (v. 15). The second was obedience to God’s Word (vv. 16-17). The third was dominion over creation (v. 19). Under God’s authority, he was to exercise authority over the earth. And, of course, he was to explain these responsibilities to his wife and enlist her aid in them.
A radical marriage begins with a man who understands God-centred, Word-driven, work-responsible authority. Everything rises and falls on leadership. A man who has no track record of this is not ready for marriage. Only as a man lives under authority will he be able to exercise authority.
The Summary
Bearing in mind all the above, we can draw some conclusions about biblical marriage from this text. Marriage is monogamous. From the very beginning God’s intention was for a man to only have one wife, and for a wife to have only one husband. Marriage, further, is the heterosexual union of a natural male and a natural female—as God made them. Marriage is hierarchical: God exercises authority over the husband, who in turn exercises it over the wife. Conversely, the wife submits to her husband, who lives in submission to God.
Marriage is covenantal. Adam was “joined” to his wife. Marriage is physical: They became “one flesh.” Though there is far more to marriage than sexual intimacy, this is nevertheless an important part of the union. Marriage is spiritual: Both man and wife are to live together under God. And marriage is relational: Loneliness is not good, companionship is. Marriage is therefore emotional and volitional.
We must also note that marriage is purposeful. In the overall summary of marriage in the first chapter of Genesis, we read,
Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
(Genesis 1:26-28)
Adam and Eve were designed to “grow up” together. Again, bear in mind that they were married on the first day of their creation. Each was created with the appearance of age—an adult man and an adult woman—but both were created on the same day, just a few hours apart. By the end of day six, Adam and Eve were both exactly one day old.
Had sin not entered the picture, marriage would evidently have been eternal. Adam and Eve would have lived together for eternity in holy matrimony, joyfully working alongside one another in fulfilling God’s will. The New Testament reveals that this permanence changed with the entrance of sin into the world (Matthew 22:29-30; Mark 12:24-25; Luke 20:34-36); nevertheless, marriage is still to be a lifelong partnership.
Having grasped all of the above, we must now turn our attention to another matter in order to grasp the full picture of a radical marriage.
The Radical Reflection of a Biblical Marriage
At face value, Genesis 2 offers us insight into the first marriage in history. The New Testament, however, reveals that this human marriage had an eternal template. The first earthly marriage was based on the heavenly marriage between Christ and His bride, the church.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For thus reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(Ephesians 5:22-33)
It might be said that the marriage between the Father and Israel (cf. Isaiah 54:5) was in a very real sense subservient to this marriage. That is, in a very real sense, the marriage between the Father and Israel gave birth to the bride for the Father’s Son.
Of course, the marriage between Christ and His bride is eternal! Marriage always lasts until death, but since believers do not die spiritually then, in a most literal sense, the church is married to Christ forever!
The marriage instituted in paradise was patterned on the marriage covenanted in heaven. Heaven’s marriage was echoed in Eden.
Let us briefly consider some parallels between these two marriages.
First, we see that both marriages were arranged. Adam did not ask for a wife. God brought him to understand his need for one, God created her, and God brought her to him. Similarly, the marriage between Christ and His church was arranged before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). The church was unaware of her need for a Groom until God graciously opened her eyes. The Father brought the bride to the groom (John 6:44). The bride came willingly (Romans 10:9, 13). The Son willingly received the bride (John 1:12; Matthew 11:28-30). The bride price was accepted (Acts 20:28). Both marriages were acts of God. Both were acts of creation.
Second, we learn that both marriages resulted in organic union. Adam and Eve became one flesh. Similarly, the church is in a very real sense organically joined to Christ. This is described in the New Testament as branches joined to a vine. It is described as body parts joined to a head. It is described as stones joined to a foundation, making up a building. Jesus described His close union with His bride in His high priestly prayer in John 17.
Third, both marriages involved the building of the bride thoughtfully. Eve was no afterthought, and neither was the church. Eve was created “by an invisible hand and by a process of which [Adam] knew nothing.” Similarly, Christ’s bride is slowly built by the invisible hand of the Spirit. The members of the church have been deliberately chosen, and each will be carefully (and permanently) grafted into the whole in the Spirit’s time.
Fourth, both marriages were for the purpose of exercising dominion. Adam and Eve were to exercise dominion over the earth, to bring all things in subjection to God’s authority, and the church is given precisely the same commission (Matthew 28:18-20). Both marriage began at the commencement of a new creation, and both were the only hope for the world.
Fifth, both marriages satisfied God. At the end of the sixth day—with Adam and Eve married—that which had been “good” (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25) was not “very good” (Genesis 1:31). And describing the creation of Christ’s bride in the cross, Isaiah 53 speaks of God being “pleased” and “satisfied” (vv. 10-11).
Sixth, both marriages required the sleep of the groom. Adam had been warned that death would be the result of disobedience (Genesis 2:16-17). The closest concept he had of death by the end of day six was the supernatural sleep into which he was placed at Eve’s creation. And that sleep was necessary for his bride to be made. Similarly, Christ’s “sleep”—physical death—was required for the creation of the church. And, wonderfully, just as Adam—who had never yet experienced sleep—trusted God to bring him back, so Christ—who had never tasted death—trusted the Father to bring Him back from the dead and present a beautiful bride to Him.
C. S. Lewis once said that joy no substitute for sex, although sex is often used as a substitute for joy. One of the joys of marriage—by God’s good design—is the joy of sex, but this gift of God is but a small taste of the joy of knowing Christ fully.
When I was much younger and my theology much different, I dreaded the thought that the rapture might take place before my wedding day. I desperately wanted to be marriage, and after more than 20 years of marriage I am glad that I have experienced it. Marriage is wonderful and satisfying. I cannot express in words the joy that my wife has brought to me over the years. But as wonderful and satisfying as it is, marriage can never be a sufficient substitute for our eternal marriage to Christ.
Christian marriages are to reflect this joyful hope. Marriage is not fundamentally about us, but about Christ and His church. Our marriages only find their satisfaction to the degree that they are rooted in our marriage to Christ.
Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed—for a while. We don’t know how long their perfection lasted, but the text moves with deliberate brevity as if to suggest that it was not very long at all. Certainly, their perfect state did not last long enough for them to bear children, and with perfect bodies there would have been no fertility issues with which they would have battled. We can therefore assume that it was very soon after their creation that they succumbed to temptation. And as soon as that happened they were ashamed in each other’s presence.
Our sin leaves us naked and exposed before our holy Groom. He is gracious, and covers us with the garment of His own righteousness, but our sin still plagues us and affects our relationship with Him. Thank God that a day is coming when we will stand alongside our Groom and no longer be ashamed!
And now, little children, abide in Him, that when He appears, we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone who practices righteousness is born of Him. Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.
(1 John 2:28-3:3)
May God grant us the grace to persevere until that day, both in our earthly marriages as well as in the most satisfying marriage of all—our marriage to the Lord Jesus Christ.
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